The Tarot Lady Unplugged: How To Apologize

The Tarot Lady Unplugged is my very best life advice based on the common concerns my clients bring through my door. No tarot – simply common sense (and compassionate) solutions to issues.

Today we’re going to talk about the best way to apologize when you’ve really hurt someone.

Many times, a client comes to my office with deep regrets over something that they’ve done to another. Forgiveness and healing can begin at any time, but it always works best when there is a genuine effort to make an apology.

Here’s how to do it up right when you’ve been in the wrong:

First of all, make sure that you mean it. If you are doing it for the wrong reasons (ex: feeling you “have to”), your insincerity will bleed through. Do the inner work to come to terms with the transgression and never, ever make excuses for your behavior. The best apology is one based on really being sorry.
Next, consider the most effective medium. Will the person be more receptive to an email, a phone call, a hand written note or a face to face meeting? In person is not always doable, especially if the other person is still upset. The other methods may be a gentler way to move the healing forward.
Once you have decided on the best path, move forward with your apology. For example, if you are doing this via email, sit down and construct a heart felt message. It’s important that you briefly state the wrongdoing (that shows you are aware of what the problem is), say sorry and then make a promise to not engage in that behavior again.

Ex:

Dear Aunt Mildred,

I hope that this letter finds you well. I wanted to write to you to apologize for telling Uncle Bob about your recent arrest. I know you wanted to keep that quiet and I’m sorry that I didn’t honor your request. I should have been more respectful of your privacy, and, in the future, I promise that I will not gossip about your affairs to other family members. I am truly sorry. I hope that you can accept my apology and we can put this behind us.

Sincerely,

Wilbur

After you apologize, now it’s up to the other person to decide whether or not they can forgive. If all goes well, your apology can open the door for a meaningful and healing dialogue.

Cautions:

If the other person is not willing to forgive, resist the urge to force it. Instead, accept it as best as you can and let it go. (PS you can forgive yourself – it helps to shift energy.)

When you are discussing the issue, this is not the time to bring up everything that the other person “did to you”. That’s tit for tat. Apologizing is about taking responsibility for what you did, not creating excuses or pointing fingers.

Did you offend a whole group? You might be tempted to send a generic form letter to everyone, but, truth be told: that’s weak. Instead, try to make it personal for each person. (That being said, if you messed up publicly, that may not be possible. In that case, an honest public apology should suffice.)

Once your apology has been accepted, DO NOT go back to the same behavior that got you in trouble the first time. Ex: Aunt Mildred’s secrets are not up for discussion again. EVER.

“An apology is the super glue of life. It can repair just about anything.”

― Lynn Johnston

Blessings!

Theresa

photo from stock photography