The Hit List - Unsolicited Advice

The other day I was minding my own business but someone decided they needed to mind it too. This person – who is a stranger – showed up in my world to give me unsolicited advice about something.

I didn’t ask for any advice and frankly, the issue they felt a need to address wasn’t an issue. Their unasked for help triggered some old crap and sent me into a shame spiral for a minute followed by a temper tantrum. Thankfully, my husband is the perfect sounding board and quick to say “eff that noise.”

But this got me thinking. Why do people sometimes feel the need to offer their opinion or guidance when there hasn’t been a request? What is their need to “fix” something when it’s not wanted or needed? I’m sure I do it too, especially with my children (parenting adult kids means to stop parenting).

After all, it’s tempting to play expert of other people’s lives. Shoot, it sure beats taking care of our own crap, right?

Sometimes it makes sense to be a “buttinski.” For example, an ailing parent may hesitate to ask for assistance or a friend may assume they’re bothering you if they reach out for advice. In those situations, if you sense there is a problem it might be fine to say “hey…do you need something?”

In other cases, stepping back and waiting for the request is a wiser – and more polite option. The next time you feel compelled to propose your solutions, you might want to make sure there’s an actual problem. Otherwise, you might be creating a whole new issue.

Cozy kitty.

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