The Hit List - Let their fear go

The familiar ding signaled an email had arrived. I grabbed my favorite mug (with a delightful picture of a pug and the words “dragging ass”) and sat down in front of the computer, ready to see what delights might be in the ole inbox.

Instead, I was greeted with a well-meaning fear-based email. I had recently made a bold business move, and apparently, that didn’t sit well with this particular person. They wanted things to remain the same…because it felt safe. Sigh. One thing you can always count on: the Negative Nellys, Debbie Downers, Jealous Jennys, Anxious Annies, and Eyeores tend to turn up when you’re about to glow up.

That’s not the first time I received a message like this. Whenever I pivot, someone is anxiously waiting for the moment when they can drop in with their unsolicited advice, ominous warnings, or passive-aggressive nonsense. While their intentions may be good (or maybe not), it always leaves a bad taste because now they’ve injected their fears into my consciousness. Which means I don’t get to fully enjoy my next big thing.

Why do people do this?

Many reasons. Sometimes they are concerned. Other times, FOMO (fear of missing out) or envy may play a role (“how dare you try to outshine me…”). And then there are those moments where maybe they just feel a need to insert themselves into a conversation because they want to be needed (aka important).

This unwanted fear-based crud shows up in other situations too. For example, when I was pregnant, other women seemed to take great delight in regaling me with birthing horror stories. When I said it wasn’t going to be like that for me, they looked at me with a combination of pity and a smirking “you’ll see…” Even though I didn’t want to believe them, a part of me went through my pregnancies with a constant feeling of dread instead of joy. (Note: both of my births were easy. No terror to report.)

When someone is about to embark on a new journey or is inching toward a bigger level, the last thing they need is a backpack full of other people’s unwanted fear-mongering along for the ride. If you sense someone is about to dump their “advice” or throw rocks at your parade, stop them. Do not give them the opportunity to taint your experience with their failures and fears. If they can’t celebrate with you, they don’t belong at your party.

Let their fear go.

And if you’re the one who feels compelled to share every terrible thing that can go wrong when everything is about to go right for someone else, stop it. Instead, sit back and enjoy watching them win. Who knows? It might rub off.

Theresa

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