The Hit List - Friday’s child

Friday’s child is loving and giving. As a child born on a Friday, I can identify with that statement. It’s in my nature to be generous. Heck, my father was the same. He’d give the shirt off his back if he thought you needed it. But too much of a good thing can be dangerous.

Fellow people-pleasers know exactly what I mean by that. You love to give, but sometimes it puts you in situations where you’re giving to the point where you have nothing left for yourself. That’s not sustainable nor healthy.

Learning how to give less is not easy when it’s not natural…but it is necessary.

For example, I’m on a tight deadline with a book. My time is precious indeed. A few folks have sent invites for coffee and wine dates…but I’ve had to say no. This led to hurt feelings and a guilt trip or two. I’m easily triggered by guilt (thanks, mom), and it takes every fiber in my being not to say “oh…okay.” Because I know what happens after I agree to something I don’t want to do: resentment. I don’t like feeling like that.

Do you find yourself dealing with this too? Is it hard to say no and easy to say yes? Do you find yourself bending over backward to make sure everyone else is happy even if it means you’re not?

It’s time to stop that. Really. Hear this:

:: You deserve to be happy too.

:: You deserve to have people treat your time, resources, energy, and needs with the same respect you give theirs.

:: You can say no.

:: You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.

:: You don’t need to make excuses or leave room for negotiation.

:: Simply say: “no.” Not “I’m sorry but…” Just no.

A funny thing happens when you do this on the regular: you can still be generous but it becomes more meaningful, rather than habitual. I’d like to finish this post with a quote from Anne Lamott: “No” is a complete sentence.” For Friday’s child, that’s the most important sentence they’ll ever say.

Garden flowers.

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