The Hit List - Forgive or forget

A long time ago, a friend betrayed me. The pain reached all the way down to my marrow and stung like a thousand bees all at once. There would be no going back, no healing, no friendship or contact with her ever again.

Those wounds are still there to this day. Except now, there is no pain nor any interest in revisiting the situation.

I am not curious about her life. We’re so far removed from each other that it’s rare her name ever comes up in conversation. It’s like she doesn’t even exist. A while back, someone asked me if I forgave her. Nope.

I just stopped caring.

Sometimes when people do despicable things, forgiveness is possible. It can be a tremendous opportunity for healing. Other times, it’s not necessary. Because time can be a greater healer too.

Life gets busy. We move on to other things, other people, new friends. We may not forget the deed but we forget the person. They are erased, banished, gone. That’s perfectly fine.

You may hear people declare that “forgiveness is divine” and you “need” to forgive or that “forgiveness is for you, not them.” Those sentiments are nice in theory but not always practical. Because some transgressions are unforgivable and frankly, some people don’t deserve it.

If you find that you’re not able to forgive, do not beat yourself up or assume you’re not a good, spiritual person. (You are.) Instead, move on to better things. Turn your attention away from the offender and focus on being productive. Fuggedaboutit.

This isn’t the same as denial. You’re still recognizing that the hurtful situation has occurred but you’re not giving it any energy. You’re choosing to put your attention elsewhere. This approach does not make you less spiritual. But it can make you more peaceful.

Because there is a bit of truth to “out of sight out of mind.” As time goes on, you’ll find that these ne’er do wells take up less of your headspace.

They won’t matter.

You’ll be free.

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