The Hit List - The final virtue

If you’re new to my world, I’ve been running a little experiment for the last thirteen months. That side project is trying to live Ben Franklin’s Thirteen Virtues, one month at a time. I haven’t always been successful or virtuous but I sure did try. (More here.) Last month was the final virtue: Humility.

What is humility? Merriam Webster defines it as: “the quality or state of not thinking you are better than other people : the quality or state of being humble.”

Ben Franklin says this about humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

That’s a tall order to say the least.

In fact, I don’t know if I can ever aspire to be like Jesus or Socrates. I probably identify more with Veronica, the chick who washed feet. Which, when you think about it, is about as humble as it gets. (FYI: feet make me squeamish.)

Humility is something I actually understand pretty well. My upbringing didn’t allow for a big head. My parents were farm stock. Eigth-grade educated. Work was their god and that was the only thing that was rewarded. Long, hard hours were commended. Other stuff…not so much.. Which is probably why I am compulsive about work – it’s often ten hour days over here.

In our house, things like straight A’s weren’t a big deal. “Don’t be a show off” and “you think you’re high falutin’ or a big shot” were our mantras. I was academically and artistically gifted (so my teachers said) but my parents weren’t that impressed. They seemed to be preoccupied with other things. Namely, money issues.

Which we didn’t have a lot of. My parents struggled and there was no cash for extras or fancy clothes. I got used to hand-me-downs, rummage sales, or cheap K-Mart threads. Frankly, I didn’t really care that much…but some of the kids at school did. They made sure to knock me down many pegs so that I would be quite aware of my status or lack thereof.

I remember one humiliating incident with such vividness that I can still see every detail, right down to the little white sweater I was wearing.

I was walking down the hall, minding my own business, when a girl with the ironic last name of Worth stopped me to ask me if I was poor. “No…” I stammered, embarrassed because although I knew I was, somehow admitting it out loud felt embarrassing. She then asked me if I was rich. I told her no again. She looked me up and down and said “you’re poor” and walked away. I could have died inside.

For years, I based my self-worth on that one incident. The shame I felt for being poor coupled with the “you’re not that great” message at home taught me that I wasn’t “all that” and that message stuck.

It still sticks to this day.

As I examined humility last month, I noticed how it shows up in my life. For one, I treat people the same across the board – if you’re nice, I don’t care how rich or poor you are, I’m going to treat you decently (cruelty never gets the time of day from me). I am the same to the clerk who bags my groceries as I am to my hot-shot lawyer client with the fancy pants. Treat everyone as an equal or as worthy human beings. Yup. Got that. Check.

But I also observed how I always have this feeling of shock when someone recognizes me for my work. It’s like I’m still that little girl in the white sweater who brought home the perfect report card and got barely a congrats. Once the shock wears off, I feel gratitude. That praise is never taken for granted.

I don’t know if that is really humility but this has been my take on it last month.

And although I know it’s good to be humble, there is a part of me that thinks I need to find a way to give that little girl with the white sweater inside of me a bit of credit for how hard she works and how much good she does in the world. Because wondering if someone meant it when they tell you how talented you are is not a good feeling. Ultimately, what I realized this month is that I still have some work to do around understanding humility, pride, and shame. (Back to Brené Brown for me!)

As I close off my Ben Franklin side project, I don’t know if I’m really a better person for exploring these Thirteen Virtues but I do know that it doesn’t hurt to question your values from time to time. Building character requires self-inquiry. You can’t just go through life and assume good character “just happens.” It is a continuous striving. And that’s humbling.

Humility & Tarot – your affirmation for the month:

We are all one.

What about you?

Is Humility something you need more of? Might you want to bring this into your daily life?

What would that look like? Where will you begin?

Perhaps that might begin by treating everyone as an equal. Start by being kind to all (heck, Jesus was hanging out with lepers ‘n stuff – he never thought he was above anyone). Or you might practice humility in other ways: keeping your ego in check, not making everything “about you” and maybe making others feel valued for their contributions. Focusing on giving props to the other guy instead of needing all the glory. That’s character.

I hope you enjoyed my exploration of the Thirteen Virtues.

Here’s a quote from B-Franklin that pretty much sums up this whole experiment: “But on the whole, though I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavour, a better and happier man than I otherwise should have been had I not attempted it; as those who aim at perfect writing by imitating the engraved copies, their hand is mended by the endevour, and is tolerable while it continues fair and legible.” Indeed.

These handsome guys are definitely not humble.

Other stuff:

Awwww…I love that Bon Jovi is still in love with his wife!

Little Red Tarot shares her favorite tarot spreads for clients readings.

Carrie Paris has a FABULOUS class coming up: Mediumship & Casting: An Introductory Course in Spirit and Ancestral Communication through Charm Casting and More.

Oldchella is a hot sella.

21 addictive tv series to stream on Netflix on a crappy day.

Lol Tolhurst penned a memoior, Cured, about Robert Smith, addiction, and The Cure. Salon talks with him here.

Good tarot stuff from Divination Nation: Tarot Tips – Jumper Cards and How to Read Them.

Everyone wants to be young by Garance Doré. While I wouldn’t mind having the body I had back then…nope, don’t want to be young again. There is freedom in getting old. Garance nails that.

If you’re struggling with grief, check out Megan Devine’s course: Writing Your Grief. This 30-day e-course might help you out.

I’m partnering up with Courtney Weber, author of the upcoming Tarot For One, for this amazing giveaway. Get yourself in the ring and win big!

In a few weeks, my book, The Tarot Coloring Book will be in stores! Here’s how to get a sweet bonus when you pre-order.

We’ve still got a long ways to go: it took 35 years to narrow the gender pay gap by 20 cents.

Pioneers: the African-American women who made the West.

Susan Harbage Page has been collecting ordinary objects migrants leave behind as they cross the border.

Just in time for Halloween: haunted hotels you can stay in!

Elena Ferrante’s real identity has been fronted out – and Vanity Fair says she didn’t owe the world anything.

Benebell Wen’s latest, The Tao of Craft: Fu Talismans and Casting Sigils in the Eastern Esoteric Tradition.

How to Bake Everything: Simple Recipes for the Best Baking from Mark Bittman may be perfect cooler-weather reading fare.

Appetites: A Cookbook by Anthony Bourdain and Laurie Woolever is coming out later this month. Cannot wait!

The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World – the Dalai Lama teamed up with Desmond Tutu for this important work about living with joy, even when facing adversity.

Definitely want to check this one out: Inner Engineering: A Yogi’s Guide to Joy by Sadhguru.

I just got my new Desire Map Planner for 2017 in the mail and it’s GORGEOUS and even better than last year. LaPorte continues to improve on this much-needed planning tool for those of us who like to set goals with soul. I’m a proud affiliate and contributor.