The Hit List - Cutting the invisible cord

I remember the time before cell phones and email.

If someone tried to call you but you weren’t home, they would try later. Or they’d leave a message with your housemates. Once answering machines came around, there was no need for a human. The caller could simply record the message, and you could return the call when it was convenient (or if you felt like it).

Sometimes, calls would be missed. It was no big deal. You’d run into the person…or not. Life went on.

Once cell phones and emails became the norm, that changed. Suddenly, everyone was “on call” like a doctor. Text messages, DMs, and intrusive phone calls meant greater access to your time and energy. “Read receipts,” the feature that shows you read the text or DM, amped-up anxiety because now you know they read your text or vice versa…and “why aren’t they answering me?”

I am tired of it. Super tired of being chained to my phone.

Over the past few months, I’ve begun to cut the invisible cord. My phone is always on silent. Sometimes, it’s turned off completely, sitting in another room on another floor. The only people who can get through are my husband, children, a tiny group of trusted friends, and my publisher. That’s it.

My texts are on silent, and I rarely answer them any more. I’ve also turned off “read receipts” on messaging and social media. No one needs to know if I read that text or DM (chances are: I didn’t).

I’ve also stopped giving out my number. I learned the hard way that some folks think it means an opportunity to pester me with questions about “my vibe on a situation.” It’s also led to situations where some assume having my number is an invitation to a deeper friendship. In these cases, saying “please stop” is hard because you become the villain for having boundaries. Instead, it’s easier to just stop engaging. Sooner or later, I’ll block those numbers so my phone can only be used for essential conversations. It’s not out of meanness; it’s out of a need for quiet. It’s for my mental health.

While I appreciate the convenience of modern technology, I’ve realized that I don’t want my phone to control my life. I don’t want the constant anxiety that comes with every notification. I want my peace back, and I’m taking steps to reclaim it.

If you feel the same way, know you’re not alone. You can take steps to regain control of your phone and your life. It’s time to cut the invisible cord, set some boundaries and prioritize your mental health. Here are a few things you can do:

:: Turn your phone on silent. Keep it there. Better yet, turn it off for hours at a time. Become inaccessible.
:: Make sure the “read receipts” settings on your messages and DMs are turned off.
:: If you have an iPhone, turn on the “silence unknown callers” feature.
:: Stop giving out your number to acquaintances.
:: Sign up for a service like Cloaked, which gives you disposable phone numbers and email addresses. This will allow you to create numbers on the fly – which you can erase after your business is completed.
:: Don’t rush to answer every text and phone call. Unless it’s a bona fide emergency, big nope. Get back when you feel like it. Or don’t.

Look, the convenience of cell phones (and emails) is fantastic. There are excellent reasons for having them. But when your phone becomes an unwanted disruptor or someone’s idea of instant access, it’s time to rethink your relationship with it. It’s time to snip the connection and set yourself free.

Two books I highly recommend (and that have influenced me):

Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport
How to Break Up with Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life by Catherine Price

Okay then – now I’m off the phone for real-life uninterrupted time with my family. See ya in the wild (or not).

xo,
Theresa

PS I’ve written about social media before. Over the past few years, I’ve reduced my time on those platforms. I now do a “post and run” strategy, which means spending less time scrolling. So much better! If you’re addicted to your smart phone, you might want to start by reducing your social media time before implementing my other suggestions.

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