The Hit List - Birth of the Uncool

“Hey, The Church are coming to town. Wanna go?” my husband asked. “Really? Yeah, I’d love to go!” I got online, grabbed my tickets and then began crossing off the days until the show.

In case you didn’t know who they were (my daughter didn’t), The Church is an Australian band who scored a major hit with “Under the Milky Way”. I saw them play once about 25 years ago. That concert was one of the reasons I stopped going to see live music.

Why? It’s because some idiots decided to form a mosh pit and violently slam into the people who were standing in the front…and I was one of those people that was up there. Mind you: the Church were a MELLOW band and total chick magnets (every one of them was cute) so this made no damn sense. I started digging the heel of my steel-toed boot into the jackass pressing up against me and he got mad. Needless to say, that didn’t go well and we started arguing. Concert ruined.

I have no interest in aggressive moshers (or whatever you call them) or sitting way in the back so what’s the point in going?

But perhaps this time it was going to be different. The band was playing at Turner Hall, which never really seems to be a haven for violence – or younger crowds. Maybe this time, I could get up front, see the band, and not get assaulted in the process.

The day of the show comes and I find out they are going to be playing two sets. Two sets? “Shit. That means I’m going to be out late.” I start grumbling to my husband. This is followed by complaints about missing America’s Next Top Model and Catfish.

Husband rolls his eyes and reminds me that there are constant reruns. “We may never get a chance to see these guys play again.” He’s right I think as I pull on my sassy outfit complete with flying squirrel tunic, motorcycle boots and leather moto jacket. A gal’s gotta look great when there is a cute band in town!

We arrive about twenty minutes before the band is slated to hit the stage. Crap. All the seats are taken. Now I’m going to have to stand for the entire two-set gig in these motorcycle boots. Husband grabs me a drink and silently prays that I will stop whining.

“How early did these people get here to get all those seats?” I said as I looked around ruefully at the lucky ones who were comfortably seated, laughing away without a care in the world.

“I think I feel hot. I shouldn’t have worn this leather jacket.” I looked at my husband for sympathy and got the old “it’s probably menopause” remark. This was not starting out very well.

But then the band came on, I stopped bitching and started listening. They sounded amazing and looked great! With no mosh pit to speak of, I was able to get in front and snap a few pics on my phone. Sure beats having to bring a full-on camera, I thought.

As the band continued to play, I began looking around the audience to see if any of my old friends from back in the day where here. I kind of recognized some faces but nawww….that old dude couldn’t be him. Why is that grandma here? And where did all these dads come from?

Where are the cool club people?

And why the hell was the band playing their new music? I want the old, familiar stuff. I don’t recognize these songs or these people trying to sway along.

Then it hit me: I am one of those middle aged people listening to a band with a sixty year old singer. I have two thirtysomething kids (remember that show? Yeah, now I am dating myself right there.).

I am old. Listening to old music. Sweating to the oldies. Bitching about my bedtime and standing. Menopause. A dinosaur in killer motorcycle boots. A curmudgeon.

This left me with one question: when the hell did I get so uncool?

My favorite member has always been Peter Koppes – and he’s still bringing the crush-worthy swagger!

Other stuff:

Because I was too busy being an old fart at this show, I didn’t realize that the lead singer created a TAROT DECK and it was for sale at the concert! Tarot of the Time Being – this is on my wish list for realz. Oh Steve Kilbey…why did I not know that these were only a few feet away from me? ACK! Kicks self.

These days, I’m more interested in food than rock stars. Check out the 11 food shows you need to watch this fall.

Confession: I’ve never eaten a corn dog in my life. Eater tells you how to make ’em. Should I try this? Hmmm….

You might also be interested in these Moscow Mule Jello shots.

This guy spent a week at the Bunny Ranch. And he wore women’s lingerie and sang karaoke. Uh…sure thing…

Lisa Frank speaks! About Lisa Frank, of course!

Are you a phone person? Alexandra Franzen explains you why you should put the damn thing down.

If you’re a phone reluctant introvert like me, read this post.

Tarot lovers! This might be the coolest new service EVER: The Fairy Cardmother will trim and doll up your tarot decks for you. YES! Get customized, yo.

From Bitches Gotta Eat: what do I say to a cop?

Are you a writer? Esmé Wang just released these meditations for writers: Listening for Words.

Favorite post of the week: darling, it is time to be powerful from Justine Musk.

Your new soap opera might just be Cat Hospital. You’re welcome.

What Dupont did to Parkersburg, West Virginia is unconscionable. Think of this the next time you hear these corporate bastards try to promote deregulation.

A Facebook page for rich people to bitch about homeless people exists.

Little Red Tarot may just be the hottest tarot hub on the internet. And she just released an insanely good e-book that you need to download right the hell now: Little Red Tarot Spreads – 21 original tarot spreads. I’ve got mine and I love it!

I want to have a bromance with Tom Hardy.

And my current crush is Bradley Soileau. Oh. My. Tattness.

Check out Book Block – the world’s first totally custom notebook!

Born to Run and the decline of the American Dream. A good post about Bruce Springsteen.

Little girls help grown women get ready for dates. Results: cute + funny!

Find out what kind of house $300,000 gets you around the world.

From Pure Wow: 5 ways to get the most out of Labor Day weekend.

Wealthy witches in Romania. I want a crown! (Not really.)

This book by Racheal Cook is a MUST have for busy entrepreneurs: Fired Up & Focused: End Overwhelm. Turn Your Dreams Into Inspired Action.

This cookbook makes me drool: Ivan Ramen: Love, Obsession, and Recipes from Tokyo’s Most Unlikely Noodle Joint

This is another one that I probably need: Pok Pok: Food and Stories from the Streets, Homes, and Roadside Restaurants of Thailand

The life and times of YouTube sensation JennXPenn: Really Professional Internet Person