The Hit List - The accidental feminist

My father was 50 when I was born. He came from a different era, where men were men, and everyone else had to serve them. Cleaning the house and cooking was “women’s work,” and because I was the eldest daughter, I got stuck doing plenty of household chores. Naturally, this made me resentful. I still hate housework to this day. The worst part was the nightly dishes.

Dad had plenty of other sexist ideas, but there were other times when I questioned if he was more progressive than he let on. For one, he insisted I learn how to drive because he “didn’t want me to be dependent on a man.” (Mom couldn’t drive.) He thought women should have their own money, so he encouraged me to finish high school so I could get a good job (his ideal position for me was secretary…which was so NOT me). He also had no problem threatening my ex when he hurled a slur at me because women should be respected by their partners.

As the years went by, I began to notice something changing about the dynamic between my parents. Although he preached to me about “women’s work,” he started pitching in, even after working long hours. Mom had health issues, so he became an equal partner in keeping the house spic and span. No weaponized incompetence there. He cooked, cleaned, and did laundry. He would even show up at her job to help finish on days when she was dog-tired (she was the cleaning lady at the firehouse).

When Mom passed away, he did as much as any 90-something-year-old could. He hated being dependent on anyone.

Although he still sat around talking his Archie Bunker crap, many of his actions contradicted those words. Part of me thinks he actually enjoyed “women’s work.” Was he a secret feminist? Or an accidental one? Or was he just a good guy underneath the gruff, rough, macho stuff?

He’s been gone for over a decade. I wonder how he would feel about the way things are going in the world. I think he’d be happy to see a female vice president, although he’d probably have some gushy (and sexist) remarks about her attractiveness.

I also wonder what he would think about my world. I’m fiercely independent and a workaholic. My husband does the dishes.

I think Dad would be okay with that.

Theresa

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