Years ago, an angry woman brought her teenage son in for a tarot reading. She was frustrated with him and assumed that a tarot reader would “set him straight” (for the record, no one should ever be coerced to come in for a tarot reading nor should anyone put the responsibility of “disciplining or scolding a teen” on a tarot reader).
The boy reluctantly shuffled the cards but after a bit he relaxed and seemed to be enjoying himself. I don’t remember much about that reading except one thing: at soem point the mother belligerently butted in and forced her son to ask the tarot if he would “ever respect her”.
The cards showed a point blank “no”. This answer made him burst into laughter and it infuriated her. (That was the last time she ever came to me again.)
Even though I was surprised at tarot’s answer (tarot has a mind of its own), I wasn’t shocked that she was having so much trouble with her son. The way she talked to him in front of me was downright rude and demeaning.
I often thought of her over the years and wondered if they ever were able to find peace.
But more importantly, that incident taught me that if I wanted my own children to hear me, I had to become mindful of my own dialogue with them – and I had to listen more actively.
Truthfully, I preferred my kids as teens. Finally, we could communicate intelligently and openly. Often, I learned more from them than they learned from me. It’s funny how it works when you drop that “infallible parent” act and simply listen, human to human.
If you have teens, you’re bound to struggle at times. It’s hard to forget that they are no longer kids and need more freedom – but at the same time, they are not quite yet adults and still need your guidance. Communicating with them requires balance, mutual respect and patience.
These are the truths I kept in mind when I went through those oh-so-challenging teen years:
- Don’t forget what it was like to be that age. Put yourself in their shoes and be compassionate.
- You can’t demand respect if you talk to your children in a disrespectful manner. Teach them respect by talking to them in a dignified manner and acknowledging their concerns.
- Learn the lingo. I’m not saying you have to begin talking like a phony fake ass “friend” parent but please don’t talk like an old fart either. Your words will be going in one ear and out the other.
- Practice non-violent communication. Marshall Rosenberg wrote a beautiful book on this compassionate style of speaking. This book changed my life and taught me how to communicate in a respectful and productive way with my children. I highly recommend every family read this book and apply the principles.
- You are going to lose your cool at times. Hard to stay peaceful when your child gets an F on their report card. Apologize and start the conversation over when you are both centered.
- Most importantly, choose your battles wisely. Arguing over a hair do is pointless – having a debate over taking the family car on a joyride = necessary.
Sometimes even if you practice the most compassionate and grounded communication, you still may not reach your teen. At times when I would be dealing with a particularly frustrating situation, I would reach for my trusty tarot for guidance.
Here’s one of my favorite spreads when two people are at an impasse:
Person 1 (The Querent – their point of view)
Person 2 (The Teen)
The Solution/Advice
Using myself as an example, when my daughter was a teen she went through a phase where she was struggling with school. It was straight F city and I began to worry about a future of burger flipping for her. What made me madder is that she didn’t seem to care. Here are the cards I pulled:
Person 1 (me): Temperance reversed – this indicates that this situation was pulling me off center. I was having a hard time being patient and was letting my frustration get in the way of having a balanced and compassionate dialogue.
Person 2 (daughter): 2 of Wands reversed – the man in the card is holding on to a wand as he stands in a walled of city. This reflected that she may be feeling alienated and unsupported. Something else was going on and she needed to feel safe, not attacked.
The Solution/Advice: 6 of Wands – here, we see the man moving forward towards victory with people cheering him on. The solution was to encourage, not punish. She needed to know I was her ally in this drama.
We opened up a discussion and she revealed to me that she was having trouble focusing on her studies because she was being picked on (she’s incredibly shy and some school bullies were giving her hard time because of her gentle nature). I gave her more support (and reamed out the principal who wasn’t doing anything to protect her) and guess what? She passed high school and just recently got her MFA. Mission accomplished!
The next time you are feeling stressed out with your budding young adult, try that tarot spread and see what you discover. Your solution may be only a hug and a conversation away.
Blessings!
Theresa
© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2012
If you have a teen that loves tarot, consider gifting them with Tarot For Teens, a special class just for them.
If you are a young tarot reader who wishes to go pro, I have a special gift for you – my FREE report: Advice For Young Tarot Professionals. Click the Add To Cart Button below (don’t worry, it’s free) and grab your copy today.
By the way, you can use the tarot spread above for any relationship that is going through a rough patch. I’d love to hear your results in the comment section below:
I’m Theresa Reed (aka, The Tarot Lady). I’ve been a full-time tarot reader for 30+ years — which, in my industry, makes me pretty badass.
I’m definitely not your average Tarot expert — I drop the F-bomb, I quote rappers, and I’m obsessed with pop culture + reality TV. Folks come to me for straight-talk + tough-love — without the woo-woo fluff. 
You must be logged in to post a comment.