Tarot To The Rescue: Leaving A Toxic Situation

Tarot To The Rescue is a new monthly feature on my blog.  I’ll be tackling different life issues and showing you how tarot can be a valuable tool to help you navigate through these challenges.  As a long time tarot reader, I have used the cards myself to seek guidance, check my own inner compass and find direction through those sticky moments in life. 

Leaving A Toxic Situation

Often in my tarot reading practice, I come across people who are in very toxic, nasty situations.  This can range from bad jobs to addictive relationships to sick family dynamics.  While the logical advice may be to “just walk away” from all that drama, sometimes people remain because they feel powerless to leave.

I know.  I’ve been there myself.  That feeling of helplessness and being stuck is probably one of the most horrible feelings in the world.

Why do we stay in something that is harmful?

There are many reasons why a person may choose to remain even when they know that the situation is bad for them.

Guilt.  Fear.  Survival.  Love.  Trying to “do the right thing”. Not knowing that there can be something better.

Gathering the courage to leave may not come until a person has either done deep reflection, long term counseling or have simply gotten to the point where they see no other alternative.  They get fed up.  Sick of the sickness.

But leaving may still be riddled with all sorts of mixed feelings – fear being the primary one.  What if that mean old boss started treating me better?  What if my partner stopped drinking?  What if I can’t find a place to live?  What if my friend tells the truth?  What if mom gets better?  WHAT IF.

WHAT IF is the slogan of delusion.  False hopes.  WHAT IF will keep you trapped longer than you can imagine.

I’ve done WHAT IF until I finally found that there was no solid hope in WHAT IF.  Only disappointment.  (I still struggle with WHAT IF on occasion.  I am working on that.)

WHAT IF is not practical.  

And this is where tarot can help.  Tarot can cut through the WHAT IF and give insight into WHY, WHAT and HOW – three questions that can empower the querent and help them move forward with grace and courage.

Here’s a technique I like:  I take some time to consider the situation and then formulate helpful questions focusing on my feelings, fears, and different outcomes (no WHAT IF garbage either).  I write my questions down and then create a spread based on those questions.  I shuffle the cards, thinking about my situation. Then I fan the cards out and choose one for each question.

For leaving a toxic situation, these are the questions I came up with:

1. Why do I continue to stay in this situation?
2. What can I learn by staying?
3. How can I honor myself and my needs should I decide to stay?
4. How will leaving the situation help me?
5. What is the best way for me to leave this situation?
6. What is my overall lesson?

Let me demonstrate how this works.  Not too long ago, I had to leave a situation that had become very toxic for me.  This involved the betrayal of a friend.  I tried to hang around but knew deep down inside that once that trust was broken, things would never be the same.  Plus I could see that the betrayer was continuing their ways and sadly, was probably not going to evolve.  Sticking around was a no-go for me.  It was too upsetting and unhealthy.

Yet I almost lingered.  WHAT IF came up.  WHAT IF they became honest?  WHAT IF people get mad at me for walking away and taking a hard line?  WHAT IF I am being too much of a hard ass? Time for Tarot To The Rescue!

Using the spread I created above, here were my answers:

1. Why do I continue to stay in this situation?  Strength card: this card shows a woman closing the jaws of a lion.  She is calm and powerful.  Perhaps I feel that in some way I can “help” this person by sticking around.  That desire to be the “good guy” is my motivator.  I’ve always been a “helper” personality and have found that many times, I thought I was helping but in reality, I was enabling – or taking on the responsibility for their transgressions.
2. What can I learn by staying?  King of Wands: I can learn to be a voice of integrity and to master my own inner truth should I decide to stay in this situation.  I can learn how to lead with dignity and honesty.  Rather than “fixing” someone else, perhaps I can develop myself and my own integrity.
3. How can I honor myself and my needs should I decide to stay? 8 of Swords reversed: by not attaching myself to the outcome.  Not worrying about whether or not this other person will progress.  Minding my own karma.  The figure in this card is bound and blindfolded – reversed, this suggests releasing myself from the situation.  That is not an indicator that I should be hanging around.
4. How will leaving the situation help me?  7 of Cups: leaving will remove emotional doubt from my life.  I will be able to stop trying to figure out if this person is being honest or not.  I will have more clarity and no more guessing games.
5. What is the best way for me to leave this situation?  5 of Pentacles reversed: there is not going to be a graceful exit. (I was not happy seeing that card, btw.) I may end up getting hurt or shunned.  I will have to tap into that inner strength that I want to use to help that other person and help myself instead. Charity begins at home.  Develop compassion for myself and prepare for a difficult ending.  Abandon it even if it feels like a big loss.  Put them out in the cold.
6. What is my overall lesson?  9 of Wands: boundaries with friends.  The man in the card has a wound on his head but he seems strong, rebuilt.  He stands alone and keeps a wary eye on what is to come.  This says to me that my misguided attempts to help someone else (even if my intentions were pure) will only lead to hurting myself and putting myself in a situation that might continue to bring pain.

After doing that reading, it was clear to me that the situation was more about developing  healthy boundaries.  Although my natural urge was to “help”, I would be better pouring that energy into helping myself rather than waiting around to see if this person could be “fixed”.

This reading gave me the impetus to walk away firmly and set a strong boundary.  It was not easy (and I did suffer a few scrapes) but ultimately, the peace of mind that I have had since then has proven to me that this was a necessity.

I am no longer plagued with the WHAT IF around this situation.  Now I can focus on WHAT IS.

And here’s my WHAT IS: relationships based on trust and honesty are the only ones worth keeping in my life.

Blessings!

Theresa

https://www.thetarotlady.com

 

©Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2011

Have you struggled to leave a situation that was not healthy?  How did you deal with it?  I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.  And if you try this technique, I’d love to hear your results as well.