Tarot To The Rescue: Forgiveness

Tarot To The Rescue is a monthly feature. I’ll be tackling different life issues and showing you how tarot can be a valuable tool to help you navigate through these challenges. As a long time tarot reader, I have used the cards myself to seek guidance, check my own inner compass and find direction through those sticky moments in life. If you’d like to see me handle a dilemma here, please email me at tarotlady@wi.rr.com with your suggestion. (Please note: I am not accepting requests for actual readings on this column. I am only tackling issues in a general format. Also, this column – and tarot – is not a substitute for legal, medical or psychiatric help.)

I had a client write to me recently about her struggle to forgive a family member who did something very heinous. She was feeling guilty and was wondering if she was somehow being “less spiritual” by not letting go of this transgression.

Forgiveness is tricky. It’s probably one of the hardest things to do. And it can be even harder to ask for forgiveness if you are the one who has done the hurtful action.

Spiritual texts often talk about the divinity of absolution:

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
“He who is devoid of the power to forgive, is devoid of the power to love.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you

In theory, these sentiments are true. But in reality, not so easy to practice. Human beings are complicated and being unable to forgive does not make you a “bad person” or “weak”. I’m not suggesting it is healthy to hold on to a grudge – what I am saying here is that an inability to let go is simply a human thing.

In an ideal world, perpetrators feel remorse, understand their victim’s pain and move quickly towards resolution – and the wronged party is equally quick to comprehend the perpetrator and let go of the offense with compassion, love and light.

But what if the person who hurt you seems unrepentant? What if they justify the situation and have “reasons” on why they did what they did? What if they blame you for their actions? Can you forgive someone who has that mindset? Or is it better to simply walk away, cut your losses and chalk it up to another boundary lesson?

And the most important question: how do you sincerely move towards forgiveness in a way that is honest and healthy – and not simply going through the motions while still feeling hurt or betrayed?

True closure happens when both parties are willing to work towards the middle way. That means reaching out with a sincere desire to move past the hurt. Both victim and perpetrator must approach forgiveness with a heartfelt wish to heal. If one is still harboring bad feelings or being coerced to do this for any reason, then the process is lopsided. And this could lead to further problems.

In some cases, it may be more authentic to forgive the person in your heart but walk away.

A few years ago, I had a falling out with someone I loved very dearly. This happened after a long series of continuous offenses, so it was not a one time incident. The other person tried to reach out to me but they approached it by blaming me for what happened. They were not able to accept full responsibility for their actions. Making me feel as if I somehow “brought this on myself” and treating me as if I was “overreacting” and “too sensitive” made it impossible for me to get closure or heal the situation. I had to make a choice and that decision was to forgive the person in my heart but cut the relationship out of my life. For me, that was the only healthy way I could move forward. It was a tough but honest judgement.

Would I ever forgive that person and allow them back into my life? Only if they were able to comprehend how this affected me and take full ownership. This is the line in the sand that I drew and although I still miss that person, I do not miss the negative energy.

As I was working on my own situation, I consulted the tarot for advice and created a spread for forgiveness. This is a three card spread with the positions defined as:

Self or wronged party
The person needing forgiveness or transgressor
What to do? How to move towards forgiveness.

I’ll use my own situation to demonstrate. In my case, the signs were very clear (10 of Swords, Ace of Swords reversed, 8 of Cups). These cards indicated that I had been “mortally wounded” and the person who was seeking forgiveness had an aggressive agenda. The resolution: walk away.

You can also turn this spread around and use it if you are the one seeking forgiveness. Simply put the other person in the first position and your self in the second position.

Using my reading above but changing the positions as if I were the one who hurt the other person, my interpretation may change to: the other person has been deeply betrayed; you are feeling defensive; walk a mile in the other person’s shoes. In this case, the cards would be advising me towards understanding what I did before I could seek absolution. I would need to comprehend how my actions affected the other person completely and drop my own ego.

And here’s the beauty of that spread – if you look at both sides of the coin by reversing roles, step back from your own emotions and try to view this from both your role as victim and the other person’s role as perpetrator, we may see a situation with the possibility to evolve.

In my case, I can see that walking away and giving space may be the best solution for now. Perhaps time will allow the other person to really understand how badly they hurt me. And maybe, just maybe, I will be able to heal and begin to empathize with them as well.

The first step towards forgiveness is always compassion. Not just for the victim or the offender but for yourself. When you are able to make peace with your role in a situation, no matter what side you sit on, then you are truly able to move ahead and heal completely.

“The motto should not be: Forgive one another; rather, Understand one another.” ~ Emma Goldman

Blessings!

Theresa

https://www.thetarotlady.com

I’d love to hear how this spread worked out for you. Please post your experiences in the comment section below: