Tarot To The Rescue: Becoming Your Mother

Tarot To The Rescue is a recurring feature. I’ll be tackling different life issues and showing you how tarot can be a valuable tool to help you navigate through these challenges. As a long time tarot reader, I have used the cards myself to seek guidance, check my own inner compass and find direction through those sticky moments in life. If you’d like to see me handle a dilemma here, please email me at tarotlady@wi.rr.com with your suggestion. (Please note: I am not accepting requests for actual readings on this column. I am only tackling issues in a general format. Also, this column – and tarot – is not a substitute for legal, medical or psychiatric help.)

I’ve heard many women swear that they will “never become their mother”. I’ve been one of those women so I know that battle cry oh-so-well.

Why would I not want to be like her? She was hard working, funny and a damn fine cook. All qualities that I actually do admire and share with her.

But it’s the lesser element that tends to make us turn up our noses and forget about the good qualities.

When I think of what I don’t want to become, it’s easy to rattle off a litany of perceived faults:

Her spendaholic ways and lack of responsibility with money (I’m completely the opposite)
Her tendency to stretch the truth to promote whatever agenda she had at the moment (I’m brutally honest – which is not always a great quality according to my daughter! Ha!)
Her constant lamenting about sickness (I’m rarely ill and even when I am, you won’t hear me bitch much – I still go to work!)
Her loudness (I am more introverted and quiet by nature)

And on and on and on…..

When my mother was alive, I did everything possible to point out to her how different we were. (Unfortunately, I ended up mutating into my Dad – a whole ‘nother kettle of fish with extreme stubbornness as the main culprit. Still working on that one.)

Why are we so hard on our mothers?

Why do we place unrealistic ideals on what they “should be” rather than accept them as is?

Can we really love our parents unconditionally and not be ashamed when we share what we perceive to be negative characteristics?

I’ve pondered those questions a lot since she passed on. I’ve also thought about this situation more as my daughter and I maneuver through the same terrain (trust me, she does not want to be me by any stretch). I decided to consult my tarot and see what it had to say about the classic “I Don’t Want To Become My Mother” dilemma. (Tarot is often a great prompt for problem solving, personal development and promoting understanding.)

The spread:

How am I like my mother?

How can I embrace, accept or transform that quality?

My example:

How am I like my mother? Page of Cups – the characteristics of this card are sensitive and open hearted. If I am viewing this in the negative, it can represent the needy child. In many ways, my mother behaved like a overly dependent child. She constantly needed praise and attention – and oftentimes acted irresponsible, which drove me nuts. This inspired me to become as independent as possible, often to the point where I pushed people far, far away. When I think about it though, there is a quality that we both share that is not obvious on the surface and it’s very Page of Cups. My mother was a sickly child in a household of thirteen children. Often times, her needs were not met. She acted out in order to get the love and attention she craved. When I was very young, I broke my leg and sat in traction for weeks. I came home to an enlarged family (Mom gave birth to my baby sister while I was in the hospital) and got very little attention from that point on. Unlike my mom, I internalized it and detached (which are not great qualities either as I can be instantly aloof when things get emotionally touchy feely in any relationship). But underneath, it’s the same thing that drives us: that lack of nurturing early in life. This is how we are deeply alike. It’s the core.

How can I embrace, accept or transform that quality? Justice – that means I need to take a fair and balanced look at this quality and resist the urge to judge. It’s about compassion for the little girls that didn’t get the love they needed early on. If I can look at my mother and myself through that lens, I can feel a sense of connection that is deep and meaningful – and more importantly, I can see her “faults” with a less critical eye and move towards empathy

Being in that mindset promotes understanding and healing. And that is the first step towards unconditional love and acceptance.

“All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.” ~Oscar Wilde

Blessings!

Theresa

*In the picture above, that’s me on my 1st communion with my brother, mother – and her mother. And yes, my mom did NOT want to be like her mother either. LOL

If you use this spread, I’d love to hear your insights. Post them in the comment section below: