Tarot in the War of the Roses

Occasionally, a client will enjoy a reading so much that they want to bring in their partner. The loved one likes their reading too. Suddenly, you have two fabulous tarot lovers coming to you on a regular basis. Sometimes they even come together and it’s like a mini-tarot party. Yay!

Until…things turn sour and the happy twosome become embroiled in a nasty bust up.

Most of the time, it won’t make a difference to your tarot gig. But once in a blue moon, one (or both) members of the estranged couple may try to drag you into their drama.

How can that happen, you ask? Here’s a few examples:

One of them decides that you are “not allowed” to see the other person because they were your client first. If you continue to see the ex, you’ve “betrayed” them and now you get verbally attacked for being a “traitor”.
One – or both – want to use tarot to “spy” on the ex and their new lover. You’ve now become an unwitting “secret weapon” in their war if you comply.
They talk smack about the ex, only to go back to them and tell them that YOU were the one throwing shade (See the movie “The Gift”, where Hilary Swank’s character pulls that maneuver and suddenly her psychic is dealing with the irate ex boyfriend who proceeds to get nutso violent!).
In some cases, one may develop sudden trust issues with you because the other person made them paranoid that you are on “their side”. Run into them at a grocery store and you’ll know what I mean when they greet you with an uncomfortable hello and a sketchy vibe. You’ll feel like you have “felon with syphilis” stamped on your forehead.

It sucks to be in any of these situations. Even if you try to be as neutral as a camel colored coat, there are times when someone’s war is so big that they don’t care who’s in the middle or how it makes them feel – even a tarot reader just trying to do their job.

If you find yourself caught in a real life tarot war of the roses, here are a few tips that may help you to keep your peace:

Strict confidentiality: that means you never, EVER reveal what was said in the ex’s reading nor do you reveal that they were “just in there”. Even if they come back and tell you that the ex shared the reading with them, you remain mum and resist the urge to comment. If they want to discuss their sessions with you between themselves, that’s fine, but you must practice the same sort of confidentiality that one would expect from a priest.
Perspective is everything: from his point of view, she may be a horrible witch. From hers, he’s a conniving jerk. It takes two to tango and rarely is one person the sole bad guy. Keep that in mind when you see either person.
If there are children involved, be very careful on your word choices. The last thing you want to risk is a child hearing about the “terrible awful no good tarot reading” as a bedtime story.
Don’t allow yourself or your work to be used as a weapon. If they decide to share their readings as “ammunition”, cut them off immediately. Using a tarot reading as a way to “get even” or play mind games is NOT how you want your work to go down.
No spying. If they want to ask if their partner will be okay, that’s one thing – but attempting to spy on the ex’s sex life with their hot new dude, no dice. Once they have parted ways, what their ex is doing with someone else is none of their business, period.
You may be seen as in the “enemy camp” as one of them may get paranoid and stop trusting you if you are still reading for their ex. That is not your problem, it is their prerogative. Even if you are a class act and try to be as graceful and neutral as possible, some people will still be suspicious of anyone that they assume has “taken a side”. Don’t take it personally nor should you bother trying to convince someone that you are unbiased. Let it go. There is nothing you can do once they’ve adopted that mindset. Remember, you want clients that are open to your reading, not approaching it with apprehension. If they are coming in with a distrustful attitude, it is best for them (and you) to find a new reader. Also, please note: if one of them tells you that the other party is no longer comfortable coming to you for a reading due to a “trust issue”, this is hearsay – they may be trying to manipulate you so that they can control the situation and force you to “take a side”. Don’t fall for that bait – if you don’t hear it directly from the other person’s lips, it’s gossip, nothing more.
If it escalates to the point where one of them demands that you ditch the ex as a client, set a boundary immediately. This is YOUR business and no one should dictate whom you serve.
In some cases, you may find that you cannot be objective. In that rare situation, recuse yourself and don’t read for them. Refer them to someone else who can give them an unbiased reading.
Head it off at the pass: if you read for a client with a troubled relationship and they start talking about bringing in their partner, you may want to encourage them to see separate readers. Don’t welcome drama into your work if you can help it.
Keep yourself grounded and remember: you are there to help and heal. Proceed from that viewpoint. Remain centered and loving, always.

A few notes for a warring couple on tarot:

Please don’t use our work as a weapon. That’s not fighting fair and we feel used when you do that. Our mission is to heal, not harm. We want you BOTH to be healthy and happy.
Please don’t assume that we have “taken sides” or that we will be “influenced” if we read for your ex. Most of us do an energetic dump at the end of the day and will retain little, if any, info from ANY readings we do. Objectivity is important to us and we make every effort to remain neutral.
Please do not ask us to spill the beans on your ex’s reading. Our work is sacred to us – and your privacy (as well as your ex’s) is respected. If they want to share, that’s on them. We won’t.
If you feel that you cannot be comfortable sharing the same reader, honor your gut and find a new one. We won’t be hurt. We WANT you to have a good experience – with us or a different reader. Really.
Don’t make demands on whom we can see or can not see. Would you do that to your doctor? Probably not. We deserve the same respect.
If you are having grave difficulties in your relationship, don’t bring your partner here and then be mad later if they continue to come to us after you have split. If you don’t want to take the risk of sharing readers, direct them to a different one – rather than expecting us to do that for you.

Tarot does not have to be a casualty in a relationship war. Although breaking up is an emotionally charged situation, tarot can still serve both sides if approached with respect by the reader and the clients.

“It takes two to destroy a marriage.” –Margaret Trudeau

Blessings!

Theresa

PS this information can be applied for ANY relationship that goes sideways, not just romantic partnerships.

image from stock photography