Soul Proprietor - How I became resilient

I’ll never forget that night, so many years ago.

I was hired to read tarot for a swanky party. The hosts were a dashing doctor and his stunning fiancée, clients who I worked with previously.

My table was near the back of the room but in a place where everyone could see me. Which meant it didn’t take long before I had a line of people waiting to be read. About halfway through the event, a slightly tipsy middle aged woman sat down at the table. I laid out the cards and said “I see you having an argument with your spouse. Something about a baby.”

Suddenly, she stood up and screamed at the top of her lungs “you are full of shit!”

My jaw dropped and my stomach lurched. All eyes turned to me. I wanted to crawl under that table – or run. Instead, I froze. A woman standing to the right of me gently touched my shoulder and said “Actually, you were right. She wants to adopt a baby and her husband is against it.”

I barely composed myself when an older guy sat down at the table. He looked at my little tip jar and said as loudly as he could “I’m going to have to get me a tarot deck and a tip jar so I can make as much money as you.” He then threw his business card on the table. It said “neurosurgeon.”

By now, I am as red-faced and humiliated as can be. I’ve been publicly slammed and degraded in a room that held about one hundred and fifty people…loudly. I trudged on as best as I could, trying not to cry, while counting down the minutes until this shindig was over. To add insult to injury, the doctor decided to haggle with me about our previously agreed upon fee. He wanted a “deal” because he was a “good” client and thought I “owed” him this. Mind you, I charged him $50 an hour, chump change, especially for a man of his means.

On the way home, I cried. I was embarrassed, hurt, and mad. It was the most mortifying experience in my career. Every detail of that event is forever etched in my mind. It was truly awful.

In a way, this event did me a favor. It toughened me up and made me resilient. Truth be told, nothing has ever affected me like that night.

These days, I easily brush stuff off my shoulders with barely a second thought.

Once you’ve gone through a major public humiliation, you have a choice: you can crawl into a fetal position and give up. Or you can learn from the experience, let stuff go and stay on your mission. I chose the latter.

Over the last 25 years, there have been other incidents where people haven’t been kind. I’ve received my fair share of criticisms and haterade. I even had a stranger leave a shitty remark about my book on a review site saying it “wasn’t an innovative project.” The book wasn’t even OUT YET.

The point I want to make here is that some day, someone is going to think you’re “full of shit” or “not innovative” or whatever. Maybe they just won’t like you. It hurts but it happens to every single one of us.

Seriously, people…you’ve got to learn to shrug that stuff off. You have to keep going.

Because you, your work, or your product may not be for everyone. Sometimes it’s just not a fit.

You cannot constantly adjust your work to suit everyone’s taste. In fact, it can’t be done.

Also, remember this: in most cases, the flack you receive cannot compare to the shade some public figures get. Even Beyoncé has her haters! (How anyone can hate her is beyond me…but they exist.)

Last week, I watched the debates and had to admire the way Hillary Clinton held herself up. Whether you love her or hate her, not many women have had the scrutiny or vitriol that she has received over the years. Yet there she stood, in her cream suit, poised and calm.

If she can take it and still stay committed to her goals, so can you.

Do not let the fear of criticism hold you back. Never allow someone else’s opinion, “bad review” or snark prevent you from doing your thing. Just go out there and do the best that you can. Take good care of the people who come to you and create your little heart out! Give it your all, every single day.

And, at the end of the day, if someone still takes a swipe, remain a class act, always. Know that they are not your “right people”, bless them and send them on their way. Do not wallow over that negativity. Instead, focus on your right people, the ones who love you and your work, and know that they will always outnumber the few who want to see you fail.

I leave you with two things. One, a quote from the prolific writer Stephen King: “I have spent a good many years since―too many, I think―being ashamed about what I write. I think I was forty before I realized that almost every writer of fiction or poetry who has ever published a line has been accused by someone of wasting his or her God-given talent. If you write (or paint or dance or sculpt or sing, I suppose), someone will try to make you feel lousy about it, that’s all.”

Two, If you’re feeling down, worried about the critics, or if you’ve been slammed by someone for any reason, please read my friend Alexandra Franzen’s brilliant (free!) ebook, You’re Going To Survive. It’s chock full of excellent advice by some mighty talented and big hearted people. I hope this inspires you to stay on your grind, no matter what.

Keep on keepin’ on,

Blessings,

Theresa