International Women's Day: on confidence

It’s International Women’s Day and the good people at Adore Me sent me these questions:

What makes you a confident and successful woman?
What are your tips to feel confident?

Those are pretty juicy so I thought I’d answer them here on my blog.

What makes you a confident and successful woman?

My confidence and success come down to one thing: experience.

I’ve been on the planet for 50 plus years and working in my own business for half my life. In that time, I’ve also raised two accomplished children. But none of this has been easy. My life has had many obstacles – dysfunctional family of origin, an emotionally abusive marriage, an acrimonious divorce, poverty, and illness.

Everything in my life required effort and determination.

But through those experiences, I became resilient and competent. Experience can break you but it can also make you wise.

That wisdom and competence is what makes me confident. Because I’ve been through a lot, I trust my instincts and my abilities. I know I can handle shit. Also: I take nothing for granted because everything has been earned.

My advice on how to gain confidence:

:: Focus on independence first and foremost. Be able to take care of yourself, no matter what. It’s better to be on your own successfully than trapped in a relationship that supports you financially but not emotionally.

:: Don’t be scared to make mistakes. Wisdom is born in the errors, not the successes.

:: Take care of your looks but don’t obsess over them. Flaws are cool.

:: Give yourself credit for everything you do, even if no one else does.

:: Surround yourself with people who support you. Kick the naysayers, oppressors, bullies, and haters to the curb. Their opinions don’t matter.

:: Take on intellectual or physical challenges as often as you can. Smart and daring are assets.

:: Never be afraid to walk away from any situation that pulls you down. Staying in that job/relationship/family dynamic/toxic friendship/etc. isn’t worth it if it hurts your self-esteem. Walk away and don’t look back. Look ahead to your better, cooler future.

:: Risks will make you fierce.

:: Speak up and out. Often.

:: Tell your story. No silence, please.

:: Get rid of the negative self talk. Talk to yourself with love.

:: If someone talks down to you, demeans you, says anything that is derogatory, don’t believe them. They are wrong. You are great!

:: Forgive yourself as often as necessary. You are human.

:: Dress for you. What makes you happy? (I tend to wear a uniform of jeans and t-shirt with motorcycle boots. I dress for ME.)

:: Getting older is not a curse – it’s a time to flaunt your accomplishments. Flaunt without apology.

:: Support other women. Be a mentor and role model for the younger set. Get involved in women’s causes.

:: Give it your all every day. At the end of the day, be proud of what you’ve done. You did it!

Finally, I’d love to finish with this quote by Golda Meir which pretty much sums up my life philosophy:

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”

Blessings,

Theresa

Some of my favorite pro-women resources:

International Women’s Day

Women’s Strike | March 8 2017

National Women’s Liberation.

National Organization for Women