The Hit List - No means no...but not to everyone

I just read this fabulous post by Victoria Prozan about the power of a good no: Say No Like Wonder Woman Does. It made me wish I had a pair of those Wonder Woman cuffs for real. Cause I need ‘em.

You see, I have always had a big problem with no.

Not with saying it but getting people to hear it.

When no comes out of my mouth, suddenly, people become deaf.

It’s not as if I don’t say it clearly. I’m a pretty articulate girl (Gemini, ya know).

I can probably trace this back to dear old mom, who seemed to have a particular hatred for no when it came out of my mouth. Example: there was a certain relative I didn’t like. Every holiday, I would make a request that she alert me when he was coming so that I could come on a different day and avoid being around him.

She’d make a promise but sure enough, every single year, he would be there when I arrived and I’d be stuck in holiday hell.

Mom would pretend that she was powerless to stop this – but it was clear she arranged it. It’s because she was determined to have her family together in one room, even if they despised each other.

Her need to have this phony family was more important than my need for peace.

Although my mother has been gone for almost a decade, the pattern has still showed up in my life from time to time.

For example, it happens when I don’t want to work with a client any longer. Sometimes I’m not the right reader for someone. In those cases, I am honest about it and refer them to someone who may be a better fit. It’s all about good service and making sure the client is served properly. Everyone walks away happy.

But when I fire someone for being rude or disrespecting a policy, the energy suddenly becomes a replay of those hellidays of the past: they try to show up anyways.

I’ve had these bizarre scenarios:

A relative buys a reading for the banned client and doesn’t tell me who it’s for. Suddenly, I am “stuck” with this person (family of origin trigger, big time).
Using a fake name and showing up in a disguise (yes, this DID happen).
Appearing at the door unannounced and seeing if I will just “let them in.” Guilt trip and begging usually accompany this slick move.
Fired client comes to a party where I am working and sits down for a reading (that was the straw that broke my back and led to me refusing to do parties any longer).

When I tell my fellow mystics about these experiences, their jaws drop. Why? It’s because when they say no, people respect that. (By the way, can you imagine wanting to work with someone who fired you? If my dentist asked me to not come back, I certainly wouldn’t be showing up in his office demanding a cleaning anyways. I would bow out gracefully and search for a new dentist.)

So what’s my point? It’s that no means no. And sometimes you have to work very hard to get people to hear it, especially when it’s never been validated in your home. Your needs are just as valuable as everyone else’s.

If you don’t push past those who continue to push your buttons, your life (or business) no longer belongs to you.

Keep on saying that no, even if no one seems to be listening. And get yourself some Wonder Woman cuffs if necessary.

Fireworks in my hood!

Other stuff:

The always smart Victoria Prozan of the fab Wonder Woman post just dropped this amazing new thang: Design SALT – Design Literacy for Modern Entrepreneurs.

Classic art with rap lyrics? Yes please! Fly Art indeed….

I am digging these illustrations + messages from Brazilian graphic artist Carol Rossetti. She has a Facebook page if you want to get all the latest.

Have trouble figuring out what to cook for your family? Struggle no more! Rosy Blu Handmade created this fantastic Meal Planning Kit just for you.

The Supreme Court’s latest decisions concern me. A lot. A corporation’s religious beliefs being more important than mine? Not cool. Another reason why I am happily self employed.

I was in Chicago this week and walked past this interesting looking building titled Essanay. Of course, I had to learn more. Turns out it’s an old silent film joint! Charlie Chaplin filmed here. How cool is that?

I love Marshall Rosenberg of Non-Violent Communication. Check out this video interview with him.

Love to cook? You may want to replace some of these hazardous kitchen tools.

Guy Fieri. From the spiky blonde hedgehog hairdo to the backwards sunglasses…the man is a hot mess. And apparently, so is his food. Pretzels and potato chips stuck randomly in a cheesecake? NO.

This is a disturbing post: Heil Hipster: The Young Neo-Nazis Trying To Put A Stylish Face on Hate. Inside Germany’s “nipsters.”

Grace Quantock has created this brilliant offering on how to respond to people who ask “what’s wrong with you?” Don’t let your disability or illness define you – define yourself.

An excellent post on Justin Bieber. No, I’m not a Belieber. But I am curious about him.

National Geographic gives us a glimpse of what Americans will look like in 2050. Beautiful!

The resegregation of America’s schools: what is happening in Tuscaloosa should be raising alarm bells. Our education system is going back to the old days. Which wasn’t so good, peeps.

The best book I ever read on how to say no: How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty: And Say Yes to More Time, and What Matters Most to You by Patti Breitman and Connie Hatch. If you struggle with saying it and being heard, get this.

What I’m Grateful For:

People who are respectful

New email hosts

Support

Cool breezes

Knowing my children are safe

My hood

Summertime food

Soundtrack for 7/5/14: “I Wish You Would” by DJ Khaled – Sick beatz and a trippy video (and Rick Ross!)