The Hit List - I’m bossy

Recently, someone told a friend that I was “bossy” on the same day that a woman remarked that I had “too many business rules.”

Bossy.

Too many rules.

Code words for “bitch” (often followed by “control freak”, “how dare she” and “who does she think she is”).

I’ve been called bossy all my life. It’s never meant as a compliment or a joke. People mean it as a slur (note: it’s often said with a sneer).

They want me to comply. To be “nice.” To bend the rules just for them. To give until I hurt. To shut up and sit the eff down.

I have zero interest in bending over and becoming a welcome mat, in life or business. It’s not how I operate.

I make the rules for my life.

I find it interesting that when my husband says no, people assume he’s confident (or arrogant). They respect that. I do the same thing and suddenly I’m the Queen Bitch of the Universe and getting flack or sullen guilt trips.

Apparently, a capable woman who is not afraid to lead can be a threatening thing. (Bizarre when you think about that for a minute.)

But for the people who know me the best, I’m the kind of woman they want on their side.

I get shit done.

I can take control of a hot disaster and turn it into a calm, sunny oasis. Don’t believe me? My ninety year old father was left deep in debt, with a house and body that were both falling apart. I wrangled his finances, got him to a safe space, and made sure he was cared for in his final years. He was able to die debt-free and with dignity.

Nobody else was willing to step up to the plate. (Truth: no one else could.) And although I was the so-called “bossy” one (and the most hated member of the family during that time), I was the only one Dad trusted.

Why?

Because he knew that my “bossy” ass would protect him and make sure he was cared for. He knew that I would handle all the icky crud. And I did just that.

I lead. I organize. I am resilient, strong, and competent. I take control when necessary. I say no and refuse to let people walk on me. I live my life on my terms. I make sure everyone and every thing in my world is safe. I run my business like a pro. I push people to be better versions of themselves and applaud them when they shine like stars. Does that make me bossy? Perhaps.

But come into my world and you can be sure I will take care of business – and you.

Because that is how a boss rolls.

Act like you know.

Two bossy people on Halloween a few years back. Yep, that’s me and my main squeeze. (He’s bossy too.)

Other stuff:

I love that Lean In and the Girl Scouts are out to “ban bossy.” As I illustrated above, the use of this word for girls is often to shut them up and get them to be compliant. I’m all about girls as leaders so let’s encourage them to step up to the mic, yo.

Gloria Steinem on why it’s so important to be a passionate voter. I hope every woman reads this and hits the voting booth next week.

This post from The Yogipreneur made me laugh out loud: Does this business make my but look big? Great title – and excellent post!

15 fashion trends straight men just don’t get. I don’t get ’em all either. Sorry, but knee length shorts are butt ugly.

Tarot funnies: a tarot reading from a literalist.

Lots of people are buzzing about the new social media platform that pays, Tsu. I’m holding off for now. This post says that’s a wise move.

Clown fetishes? Here’s what “clown sex” is all about in case you need a new spin on your kink.

From attorney Elizabeth Potts Weinstein: Four Rules for Relationships in Business (and Life). Smart stuff.

An old post from Harper’s Magazine circa 1941: Who goes Nazi?

I LOVE this post over that This Game of Thrones blog. Alison Cross speculates what kinds of crime the Tarot Court Cards might be drawn to. BRILLIANT and a great tarotcise for all tarot fanatics.

From Amber McCue: Are you drinking the kool-aid? Before you listen to yet another biz guru, think for yourself.

It’s no secret that I adore Lena Dunham. She’s whip-smart and funny as hell. Her new book is on my wish list: Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She’s “Learned”.

My friend Yvonne gave me this fabulous candle called Tarot Deck. It’s scented like incense, Turkish rose and pencil shavings! GORGEOUS.

Paul Jarvis and Jason SurfrApp just released this new course for non-fiction writers: Finish Your Damn Book. This looks pretty useful.

Ina Garten just released another yummy cookbook: Make It Ahead: A Barefoot Contessa Cookbook. On my list. (I swear I am not going to buy any more cookbooks and then this has to come out. Ouch.)

Vocal fry and why it’s making young women less hirable.

What I’m Grateful For:

Being able to assert myself

Not sniffling or sneezing

Being home

Stacks of books that need to be sorted – and read

Home cooked meals on a chilly night

Tweezers

Talented peers

Soundtrack for 11/1/14: Bossy by Kelis – but of course!