Getting Clear On Fear

My entire life changed at two years old when I broke my leg.  I know that sounds dramatic but it’s true.  

I was put in traction and remained alone in that hospital for 6 long weeks.  (My parents had other mouths to feed – and this was just the way things were done back then.)  I recall my dad coming to visit me and I’d cry and beg him to stay when it was time to go.  (Years later he confessed that it broke his heart to leave me there like that.  No parent or child should ever have to go through that.)

What I remembered most about that time was that fear of being alone.  And worse yet, an irrational fear of being bored (I was precocious).  But once I adjusted and found ways to occupy myself, I was fine (copious amounts of reading and nonstop Sesame Street –  I came out of that hospital reading at 6 year old level – bonus!).  In fact, I quite enjoyed being alone and I still love my solitude to this day.

When I returned home from the hospital, I had a new fear: I was afraid to walk.

The doctor informed my mother that if I did not get over it, I’d never walk again and would be wheelchair bound.  My mother, practical woman that she was, took me home, grabbed a hairbrush and said “You are going to walk to me right now or I’m going to spank you.”  

The thought of that spanking replaced my fear of walking: I got right up and tearfully strode into her arms.

A very odd thing came out of this experience.  I became somewhat bold and fearless.  A risk taker, even.  Which is odd for an introvert.  

Moving through my fears has allowed me to: 

• leave relationships that made me unhappy even when this threatened my security
• move to a new city without a nickel in my pocket
• flirt shamelessly with hot musicians (my weakness)
• start a thriving business without any formal training

Not all of my risks paid off but do I regret it?  Nope. That helped me learn to discern fear that gets in the way vs. fear that is protective. 

As I have gotten older, my risks have become more calculated but I still take big, evolutionary leaps of faith when I get the calling.  Fear rarely comes into play these days in my life.  I’ve learned to look it in the eye and tell it to get out of my way. But for many people, that’s not quite so simple.  Fear rules their lives especially when a change (wanted or unwanted) is on the horizon.

Fear is a killer.  It will hold you back, trick you into living a small “safe” life, and/or block you from doing things that might be good for you.  Fear says “I’m going to prevent you from getting hurt” but often fear simply prevents. 

So how do flex our courage muscles and get past it?

For me, I assess the situation and see where my anxiety is coming from.  Is it rational?  In other words, does it make sense (ex: not getting into the car with a creepy dude)?  Or is this a Chicken Little moment?  If I recognize myself getting in my own way, I step to the side, breathe deeply and jump off.  

But this only happens once I am sure that:

• I’m not putting anyone in physical danger
• Emotional harm to myself or others is minimal 

Those are my two “set points”.  Even doing a check in may not guarantee a safe landing but that slight pause gives me time to make sure that I’m not holding myself back due to irrational anxiety.  

Because I like to take a mystical approach to problem solving, I’ve used Tarot as a fabulous ally in coping with my own fear based thinking.  It’s always offered excellent guidance and has been a perfect tool for introspection 

The next time that you find yourself facing change and freaking the F out, grab your deck and let it help you sort through your anxieties with some thought provoking questions such as:

1. Where is my fear coming from?
2. If I listen to my fear, what can I expect?
3. If I choose to move beyond my fear, what can I expect?
4. How can I support myself as I move through this situation?
5. What old emotions might be triggering my fears in this situation?
6. What do I need to know about my fears?
7. How can I make peace with this fear?

Doing this sort of self inquiry will allow you to make clear decisions that are based on reflection, not fear.  When you operate from that mindset, your leaps of faith will lead to a life well lived.

“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”  ~Mary Manin Morrissey

Blessings!

Theresa 

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2013

What kind of fears have you struggled with?  How do you overcome this?  I’d love to hear your thoughts on fear in the comment section below.  I also invite you to use your tarot and play with the suggested questions – and post your results below: