Clutter Busting and Creating Space with Debra Smouse

I am the first one to admit that I am a cluttery gal.  In fact, I’ll often say that it looks like a library and a church threw up in my house.

I’m clean but when it comes to stuff, I have too much crap.  I am mostly guilty of book hoarding (note to self: book clutter does not make one superior because it’s “intellectual” – it’s still clutter, period).  I also live with an artist/film guy – so you guessed it – we’re double trouble when it comes to stuffing our house.

Like many people, taming my “collections” is difficult.  On occasion, I’ll watch an episode of Hoarders (no, we are not THAT bad) and go into a “throw it all out mode”….which lasts about a day.  Then I’m back to arranging and rearranging my junk so it is orderly.

I am now on a mission to get it under control and since my theme for November is decluttering, why not begin to get some expert help?  I recently chatted with life coach and clutter expert Debra Smouse about clutter and I want to share her brilliance with you (plus there is a special offer for you, my dear reader, at the end of this post so read on).

1. Why do we hold on to stuff?

There are dozens of reasons we hold onto stuff, but the first question to ask is why we buy stuff. There’s need, of course – a winter coat and gloves, a coffee pot, etc. But often, much of what we buy is bought as a way to make ourselves feel better – buying stuff is  a way to numb, fill an empty space in our hearts (we get the undivided attention of the sales clerk!), or get a little “high” from being able to swipe that credit card.  And don’t get me wrong, I love stuff – nice candles and pretty clothes and fabulous shoes. I even have two high end coffee pots that grind and brew. But everything I have is worn or used and has either stark beauty or practicality.

But here’s what happens: when we buy things because it fills that little achy hole, it has to come home with us. And despite the fact that some folks have big houses and lots of closet space, there is still only so much space in your home, right?

When my mom died in the summer of 2010, my sister and I helped our father clean out Mom’s closet.  We ended up with twelve 50-gallon trash bags full of clothing, shoes, belts and handbags.  Many of the clothes still had the price tags on them.  Lots of the shoes were unworn.  (Let’s not even begin to talk about the beaucoup Precious Moment statues hidden in the cupboards – it was like a clown car).

All of this stuff did not make my mom a happy woman, but she bought them because she was seeking some sort of happiness.

So, we hang onto the stuff for lots of reasons:

• We believe that our worth can only be reflected in our volumes of stuff.
• We remember the little “high” we got by buying it
• We “got it at such a bargain” it would be silly to get rid of it.
• It was a “free gift with purchase”.
• Someone gave it to us.
• We “spent so much on it” that we feel guilty about letting it go.
• We know that we will “use it one day” (like that fondue pot. Really? Who makes fondue more than once or twice?)
• We are going to lose weight one day. OR we may gain weight. So, we hang onto all those clothes that don’t fit.
• We’re “saving it” for a “special day”. Like china or good perfume (I say use it or lose it)
• We’d feel guilty if we got rid of a present someone gave us. Or feel bad if we got rid of grandma’s china. We get so tied to guilt that we’d rather be buried under it.
• We’re going to “fix it”. You know, that broken chair and that ugly table that just needs to be refinished.
• We’re going to take up that hobby: begin painting, do cross-stitch, make a scrap book for each kid (even though they’re 30 – hey, they’ll get it before they die!)
• We feel tied to an object or memory and believe that getting rid of it will cause us to lose the memory.
• We have something to “brag” about. The bargain, the expensive item, etc.

Ask these questions before you buy that pretty bauble (or buy a gift for someone):

• Is it an item that will enhance your life?
• Will it bring you pleasure and add beauty to your world or will it sit on a shelf and gather dust?
• Will you wear for seasons to come or will it sit in your closet waiting for you to give it to Goodwill?
• Will it make your life easier or more fulfilled?
• And if it isn’t any of these things, why would you purchase it for yourself, let alone for someone that you love?

2. How does clutter affect our relationships?

Clutter stands in the way of really connecting. It can serve as this “protective wall” around us so that we can’t get hurt. So, if our schedules are cluttered, we always “running out the door” or “too busy” to really sit across the table from someone, look them in the eyes and allow them to really SEE us. When it comes to physical clutter, it can also serve as a barrier to connection. People don’t want to visit Aunt Sally because you have to walk a maze to get to a chair (or worse yet, there’s no open seating because there is stuff in the way.)

When you are living in the house with someone that hoards (or collects or shops), the clutter stands as this barrier between you and the people you live with.   More often than not, the person that’s the shopper begins lying about the purchases. So, not only do you have a home that is filled with things you don’t need or love, there is a groundwork of deceit around how the item came to be in your space.

And consider the financial implications of someone “shopping” all the time.

It also hurts relationships because the “stuff” seems more important than the relationship.

I’ve seen many a relationship teeter because of too much stuff. You trip over it, you have to move it aside…. How can there be intimacy when there’s so much energy being taken up by Stuff? And when you think about the “calendar” clutter, how can you build a relationship when you’re so “busy” all the time??

And when there are children involved, it complicates things. First, it shows them that more stuff = love. It shows them that relationships are built on deceit (Now, don’t tell Daddy I bought you these clothes or that doll. If he asks about your dress, tell him we bought it when we did our back to school shopping). It also can embarrass them, because they can’t have any friends over or if they do, their friends will be horrified.

Clutter affects not only the health of our relationships, but the physical health as well. More stuff attracts more dust and when things pile up, bugs and mice have great places to hide.

3. How does clutter affect our ability to attract abundance?

Everything holds energy. From the cup you drink your coffee out of to the clothes you wear. When we are surrounded with “stuff”, our energetic fields are full to capacity (or overflowing) – which kind of tells the Universe: I can’t hold anything else.

Think of your energetic field like a closet: when you cram it full of stuff, there’s no room for anything new.  Stuffing more into the closet just overwhelms us, we can’t find anything, we can’t think clearly…but when we begin to empty out the closet of things we don’t need, it opens up space. When we open up lots of space, it allows things to flow and circulate.

This goes for money, love, peace, creativity…clutter blocks us from all of those things.

4. How can you begin to declutter your space when you are feeling overwhelmed?

First of all, you have to remember that you didn’t get into this predicament overnight and you’re not going to get out of it overnight.

There are a couple of approaches that I like to recommend. First of all, grab a good timer – like an egg timer.  You can do ANYTHING for 15 minutes. I also love laundry baskets with handles so that you can toss in anything that doesn’t “live” in a room and take it to where it belongs.

If everywhere you look is cluttered, then I suggest choosing TWO spaces: the one that you spend your most time in (living room, office, bedroom) and the 2nd room you choose is the one that’s the most cluttered.

Spend 15 minutes in the first room, clearing anything that doesn’t belong in there. Either trash it or put in in the empty laundry basket to put away later. (If you put it away while you’re de-cluttering, you’ll get distracted). Work like a bunny until the timer goes off.

Get a cup of tea or glass of water and congratulate yourself as you catch your breath. Then, spend 15 minutes in the other space.

Chunking away at a room, just fifteen minutes at a time, feels less overwhelming.

Enlist a good friend to come over and help you clean out your closet. Someone you trust can tell you “yes, keep this” or “NO! no, a thousand times NO!”.  Make it fun – drinks and snacks and music and laughter. But get a big old garbage bag and fill it.  Better yet, have your friend take the garbage bag  with them when you leave (so you aren’t tempted to dive in and grab that college sweater). They can bring you the Goodwill receipt!

Hire someone. Yep, hire someone to come in and help you clean or clear.

If you don’t want to choose the most cluttered space to clear, here’s my recommendations for a Mind-Body-Soul loop:

• For your mind: clear your desk or workspace. You can think better when your space is tidy.
• For your body: clean your refrigerator out! You ARE what you eat, so have a wonderful display for all the good food you want.
• For your soul: clean your closet. There’s nothing harder on your tender soul than to have a closet full of clothes for when you lose weight. Have only clothes that you can put on and walk out the door in.
• For subscribers to my 30 Days to Clarity newsletter (http://30daystoclarity.us4.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=1982169d2fa7ecb3134ff845e&id=8b14e8125d) , I send a monthly Mind-Body-Soul suggestion on the 2nd Sunday of each month (example: http://eepurl.com/F6oR1 )

If you’re worried about letting some stuff go, create a “purgatory” space for it.  Get a heavy-duty moving box, and fill it with anything that doesn’t really have a home, isn’t used, you don’t love, etc. When you’ve filled it, tape it up and put a date on it AND put a reminder on your calendar.  If you haven’t had to get into that box in 30 days or 3 months, take it (still sealed!) to Goodwill!

Above all, make your bed every day. It shows you the power of completion and gives you a clean slate each day, so to speak.

(I could go on and on with tips!)

5. What about digital clutter?  How can we tame that?

Digital Clutter is a biggie for me. I can take in tons of information, so subscribe to dozens and dozens of newsletters.  The only way to clear it is to begin unsubscribing.

Every time you purchase something, you’re going to be on that company’s list, so unsubscribe if you don’t plan to shop there regularly.

Go into your settings on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, etc. and set your preferences for emails.

Set up filters in your email and have emails auto-delivered to a folder. Then, once a week or once a month, clear out that folder!

Other things: unfriend folks on Facebook or un-follow them on Twitter to reduce your feeds. Or, if you have Debbie Downers in your feed but you don’t want to unfriend them, then mute them.

6. What can you do if your partner is cluttery and you are not – or if they resist your desire to declutter?

The first thing to do is to create some sacred space for yourself. Clear off your nightstand. Clear off your desk, and clean your closet.

TALK about it. Sometimes, your partner is feeling overwhelmed by stuff and doesn’t know where to start. Be kind about it, but be honest. Offer to help them clear some stuff. But ask before you begin clearing.

If nothing else, agree on one room that is going to get cleared out.

This came up recently with a client when she and her husband moved. It has been his childhood home and he just didn’t have the emotional strength to do it. She did the sorting and got rid of what she could and narrowed down what he had to go through. He has been so grateful and has told countless friends that he couldn’t have done it alone!

Create sacred space in your bedroom. Clear all the flat surfaces and ditch the exercise equipment (unless it’s used regularly).  Having too much stuff in your bedroom blocks intimacy.

Create a purgatory for unloved or unwanted stuff. Whether it’s a corner of the basement or garage or one room designated for excess. We have a closet downstairs that serves as purgatory for unwanted clothes.

7. What is the best way to declutter our busy schedules – especially this time of year?

Remember that “no” is a complete sentence! And let me tell you, honey, there is no badge for whoever is the busiest!

Early in the month, go through your calendar and block out one or two nights a week  to be home. Then, if someone asks, you can honestly say “oh, we have plans for Thursday evening”. No one has to know that the plans are to be home and get some rest and recharging!

I also like to make all my girlie appointments early this time of year: haircuts, nail appointments, massage appointments so that I’m not feeling frazzled and in need of a pedicure, only to discover an hour wait at the nail place!

Remember that you don’t have to go to every party or every family gathering.

Choose one holiday to spend with your extended family, like Thanksgiving. Then, choose to spend the other holiday with just your immediate family.

 

Looking to close out 2013 and prep for 2014 in a meaningful way? Ready to get rid of your mental and physical clutter so that your holidays are joyful and stress free?  Debra has graciously offered a special deal for my readers – The Advent Series:  http://www.30daystoclarity.com/the-tarot-lady-friends-special/ <-click here, sign up, save some cash and get ready to clear out and create the best year ever!

 

More about Debra: Writer, life coach, and Tarnished Southern Belle, Debra Smouse helps people create a life they love. An expert de-tangler, she believes in busting clutter as a path to greater clarity and that within everyone woman is vibrant, passionate, and sexy being just itching to make their inner sex kitten roar. A native Texan, she resides in Ohio with the Man of her Dreams.

 

Read more about Debra’s own personal background on clutter: http://debrasmouse.com/seeking-treasure/

Major thanks to Debra for taking the time to chat with me – and for offering this awesomely sweet deal!

Here’s to a clear and clutter free life for all!

Theresa

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2013

images from stock photography and Debra Smouse

Sooooo my goal is to tame this book clutter – what about you?  What are you ready and willing to let go of?  How will you create more space in your home, your mind, your schedule?  Share your insights and stories below: