The Hit List - Just Saying No

I’m a fan of New Year’s Resolutions. I make plenty of ‘em. I get some done…others not so much (my yearly mission to finish reading all of my books is still not done).

When people ask what my resolutions are this year, I have only one: working on my NO.

Such a simple, direct word. No.

It’s often one of the first words that a child utters. No is their way of establishing their autonomy and boundaries. That word says “I am not comfortable with that request and I’m asserting myself.”

I say no. A lot. Trouble is, it’s been a hard word to enforce.

When I say no, there is almost always a demand that I explain myself. Then comes the bargaining followed by the emotional blackmail and other machinations.

In my family, my no was never respected. I had to do things anyways, whether or not I wanted to or had a perfectly good reason not to. Typical exchange: “there is a blizzard out there and I don’t want to drive” gets followed by “It’s not that much snow. Everyone else is coming. Don’t be so selfish. You’re just trying to get out of this.” After a lot of badgering, guess who is suiting up and heading out into the polar vortex?

Although my loved ones have been the biggest offenders, this “no” problem has also showed up in my business from time to time – usually when I’ve fired a client. From the ballsy woman who had the gall to sit down for a reading at a party after she was banned to the crazy one who showed up at my door with a fake name and disguise, it’s been challenging to get that no heard and respected. (Why anyone would want a reading from a hostile tarot reader is beyond me.)

That brings up a question that I have been pondering after yet one more incident this holiday season: when someone says no and you manipulate them into doing something they do not want to do, how does that feel? Do you feel like you triumphed? Do you feel great to be sitting there with someone who obviously doesn’t want to be in the same room with you? How can that even feel good?

Perhaps people who don’t respect no just don’t care about anything other than getting their way. I don’t get it because I would never want to force anyone to do anything that they didn’t want to do.

I respect no’s.

This year, I’m want my no’s to be respected too.

So that’s my resolution.

I’m going to be saying no more. A lot more.

No explanations.

No kowtowing.

No.

That simple.

I’m just saying no.

(Except to wine, chocolate, massages, Game of Thrones, and more good books!)

I got a brand new Jaime Lannister action figure for Christmas! And no, the hand is not removable.

Other stuff:

If Ayn Rand reviewed children’s movies – the result would be hilarious. And cat friendly.

I think this is a party I’d like to go to. Waiting for my invite, Rothschilds.

Wisdom and hard core truth from The Uncaged Life: Life Coaches – Don’t Quit Your Day Job.

Loving this post from the always brilliant Bri Saussy: Optimize Your Omens. Pay attention to your after Christmas omens!

What does a $98 million dollar property in New York look like? THIS. It’s for sale. Start saving up, people.

Want to learn how to create your own tarot spreads? Little Red Tarot has you covered in this smart post.

Good idea: Ten Toxic People You Shouldn’t Bring With You Into the New Year

In Wisconsin news: Screech of “Saved By The Bell” fame, gets arrested for brandishing a switchblade.

Did you know that limping was once stylish? Seems kinda lame to me.

Loving this parody of All About that Bass: Bitch In Business. OMG!

Digging this post from Four Queens Tarot: Goal Setting, Planning, and Reviewing Progress – Self Love in Action.

And the man with the best hair in Hollywood is Jared Leto. I agree. YUM.

Paige Zaferiou has a fresh approach to that worrisome 9 of Swords card. This is one for all you tarot buffs!

Every New Year’s Eve, I watch Dick Clark’s New Year’s eve show. This year, I might give Pitbull’s show a chance. In the meantime, this Pitbull video will have to hold me. (Does this guy ever stop partying?)

My favorite book on how to say no is this one: How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty: And Say Yes to More Time, and What Matters Most to You. If you have trouble getting your no heard, that’s one you want on your shelf.

I just ordered this snazzy meditation cushion for my yoga studio (I call these things tuffets by the way): Hugger Mugger Zafus Choice Yoga Meditation Cushion (Black). I picked out the poppy color. I love the bright, cheery color and Hugger Mugger products are the BEST.

I am eyeing this up: EPIC BLOG: One-Year Editorial Planner

What I’m Grateful For:

A fresh start

A bounty of chocolate and wine

The rare day off

Lower gas prices

A green Christmas

Visits from children

Soundtrack for 12/17/14: The Specials – Gangsters. Because sometimes only old Ska works for me.